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[18 Jul 2009|10:06pm] |
I love and hate updating this thing.
I'm back from Georgia and I am more in love than ever. I am planning to go down again in a few weeks to see Thomas and spend a weekend with him once he gets to his AIT @ Ft. Gordon.
:)
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| January 2007 |
[18 Jul 2009|04:49pm] |
You told me,
"A player is just someone looking for love in all the wrong places and ways."
What do you want? If you're looking for something, I'm here, and you know that I'm ready for you. Why then do people always choose the hardest choice? And overlook everything that is right in their view? Are we such masochistic self-backstabbing creatures that we always subconsciously choose the path that will eventually hurt us the most? Maybe we're scared of safety, (and this idea is always romanticised about, so we always turn to it as some sort of a reason/excuse for our less than intelligent behaviour), but in the end are we not smart enough to make the wisest choice that can make our happiness last instead of frolicking in temporary whims of fanciful pretty giggly moments that will not suffice to feed our emotions thoroughly? I want you, no it's not going to hurt and we are not going to fall and I believe in you and I see you as so much more than everyone else does, even though I'm the one you've disappointed and hurt the most. Let's give this one more try please, I'll show you what it's like to be loved.
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| Dear Me, |
[18 Jul 2009|03:41pm] |
Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
You been out ridin fences for so long now
Oh, youre a hard one
I know that you got your reasons
These things that are pleasin you
Can hurt you somehow
Don't you draw the queen of diamonds, boy
She'll beat you if shes able
You know the queen of hearts is always your best bet
Now it seems to me, some fine things
Have been laid upon your table
But you only want the ones that you cant get
Desperado, oh, you ain't gettin no younger
Your pain and your hunger, they're drivin you home
And freedom, oh freedom well, thats just some people talkin
Your prison is walking through this world all alone
Don't your feet get cold in the winter time?
The sky wont snow and the sun wont shine
Its hard to tell the night time from the day
Youre loosin all your highs and lows
Ain't it funny how the feeling goes away?
Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
Come down from your fences, open the gate
It may be rainin, but theres a rainbow above you
You better let somebody love you, before its too late
Love, me
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| Aki is a Dick |
[18 Jul 2009|04:14am] |
Stop staring and clean this shit up, asshole.
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| whoa. livin the dream kinda. |
[18 Jul 2009|03:06am] |
3 paid shoots with big and mid range bands (and a roller derby) yesterday
1 paid shoot with a upper mid range band today
summer slaughter saturday
shai hulud sunday
biz meeting monday
warped tour tuesday
four year strong wednesday
1 paid shoot with big band thursday
mtvu show friday at six flags!!!
cha.......ching........
biz is grand. ill catch my breath in august... maybe.
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| the finishing line. |
[17 Jul 2009|02:08am] |
i feel as if, in relationships... ive already given the best of me.
so much has been taken and unrequited.
sometimes i feel like its drained me and all that is left are table scraps of meals that were throughly devoured.
i see myself blindly following off the diving board in the very near future.
clean up the landing zone. this will be a mess.
i see alot of really really bad decisions that will either comprimise my integrity for financial and mental stability.... or just ruin me either way.
rotting away is a fun proccess to try and slow down.
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[17 Jul 2009|12:11am] |
i bought nine books tonight.
i think it's a disease.
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[16 Jul 2009|06:37pm] |
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Kyles been texting me a jillion and half times recently. I finally yelled at him the other night and told him I cannot hang out with him because he'll just fuck me over again.
Anyways, now someone else is talking to me to. And I just don't care to hear from him after over a year of not talking.
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[16 Jul 2009|04:03pm] |
See it's not like I didn't mean what I said
When I said I'll put my money where my mouth is
And I put my money where my mouth was
Until I couldn't breathe through my nose
And now I'm staring at the floor
Where my second life just ended
Where I lost not one, but two friends
Yeah I had it all
Sittin' on top of the world
But I threw it away
Well just to prove that I could
I put my money where my mouth is
See I recall quite perfectly who I was
Both before and after the drugs
Both before and after the drugs
I put my money where my mouth is
I put my money where my mouth was
I got a strong will, just weak hands
And I don't know what to do with either one of them
Yeah I had it all
Sittin' on top of the world
But I threw it away
Just to prove that I could
Just to prove that I could
I put my money where my mouth is
I put my money where my mouth is
I put my money where my mouth is
You're a knight in shining armor of a mother and a father
You had everything, everything you needed
And it was made crystal clear that would not change
Yeah I had it all
Sittin' on top of the world
But I threw it away
(Why'd you do it? Why, why'd you do it?)
Just to prove that I could
Yeah I had it all
(why'd you do it? Why, why'd you do it?)
And I had it good, so good
But I threw it away
(Why'd you do it? Why, why'd you do it?)
Just to prove that I could
I could
Just to prove that I could
(why'd you do it? Why, why'd you do it?)
I put my money where my mouth is
(why'd you do it? Why, why'd you do it?)
I put my money where my mouth is, is
(why'd you do it? Why, why'd you do it?)
I put my money where my mouth is
Yeah I had it all
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| chess |
[16 Jul 2009|04:31am] |
aside for the aformentioned non-profit organizations ive applied to volunteer at...
i am making some pretty big moves. there is alot of solidarity coming from what seems to be an auspicious summer full of oppertunity.
in the next week, in the next month, and through the rest of 2009, my life will change dramatically.
i cant say if it will be for the better, or the other... but the metamorphasis.. or more appropriate (for me) transformation... has clearly begun.
important life decisions are being made in the coming months....
i think its time for change. good or bad.
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[15 Jul 2009|11:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 exhausted |
] |
i have entirely too much to say.
i've spent the last week trying to figure out how i'm supposed to know if the damage done is too much for me. i know it makes little sense, but i have no idea if it's too late or not. half the time i'm so completely done, but the other half i miss the way we were four months ago so bad. we both want back what we had, but have no clue how to do it.
we're probably fucked.
& everyone else is loving it because they all hated us together. maybe one day you'll call, i just know i have to let go & let you figure it out. i do miss you terribly, though. at least that part of you that made us for so long.
i am going to go read now, because i need words that aren't mine. i'm so sick of those right now.
oh & my microwave is broken. fml.
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[15 Jul 2009|07:29pm] |
matt got me a new bunny! i think it's a girl, i need name ideas!
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| you know i wouldn't say something that i didn't mean. |
[15 Jul 2009|04:07pm] |
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things just keep getting better everyday, when you wake up with darker circles and a deeper disappointment in the pit of your stomach.
waking up to run.
where can you hide from your own mistakes?
no regrets, just disgust.
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[15 Jul 2009|06:36pm] |
but in the end you're just like them
I give you our party generation
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| its time to move on to better things... |
[15 Jul 2009|01:55am] |
So as everyone who knows me... knows im straight edge (kinda like they know i take pictures or like horror movies)
I just applied to be a volunteer for drug-free america partnership. (you know, those anti-drug infomericals youve seen since the 80s... yeah them!)
and i also applied to work for The Truth - you know - the witty commericals about cigarettes and how incredibly dangerous and harmful they are.
im thinking of other organizations i can attach to... are there any drinking ones?
I feel that contributing to these GREAT - GREAT! organizations will be an excellent oppertunity for me in terms of crossing what i love to do with how i love to live (kinda like shooting earth crisis, but on a more global level).
in my position - as a photographer with 1000s of fans behind me at each show (NOT FANS OF ME, THE BANDS!!) i have a huge audience i can reach and even though im sure ill be met with either preaching to the choir or backlash - i think this is something i need to do, and its certainly something ive wanted to be involved in for a very long time.
soooo heres hoping i get this opportunity to work with them...
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